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The Manitoba Herald , Canada , as Reported by Clive Runnels, August 6, 2010


by LittleOtt

The flood of American liberals sneaking across the border into Canada has intensified in the past week, sparking calls for increased patrols to stop the illegal immigration. The recent actions of the Tea Party are prompting an exodus among left-leaning citizens who fear they’ll soon be required to hunt, pray, and to agree with Bill O’Reilly and Glenn Beck.

Canadian border farmers say it’s not uncommon to see dozens of sociology professors, animal-rights activists and Unitarians crossing their fields at night. “I went out to milk the cows the other day, and there was a Hollywood producer huddled in the barn,” said Manitoba farmer Red Greenfield, whose acreage borders North Dakota . The producer was cold, exhausted and hungry. He asked me if I could spare a latte and some free-range chicken. When I said I
didn’t have any, he left before I even got a chance to show him my screenplay, eh?”

In an effort to stop the illegal aliens, Greenfield erected higher fences, but the liberals scaled them. He then installed loudspeakers that blared Rush Limbaugh across the fields. “Not real effective,” he said. “The liberals still got through and Rush annoyed the cows so much that they wouldn’t give any milk.”

Officials are particularly concerned about smugglers who meet liberals near the Canadian border, pack them into Volvo station wagons and drive them across the border where they are simply left to fend for themselves.” A lot of these people are not prepared for our rugged conditions,” an Ontario border patrolman said. “I found one carload without a single bottle of imported drinking water. They did have a nice little Napa Valley Cabernet, though.”

When liberals are caught, they’re sent back across the border, often wailing loudly that they fear retribution from conservatives. Rumors have been circulating about plans being made to build re-education camps where liberals will be forced to drink domestic beer and watch NASCAR races.

In recent days, liberals have turned to ingenious ways of crossing the border. Some have been disguised as senior citizens taking a bus trip to buy cheap Canadian prescription drugs. After catching a half-dozen young vegans in powdered wig disguises, Canadian immigration authorities began stopping buses and quizzing the supposed senior citizens about Perry Como and Rosemary Clooney to prove that they were alive in the ’50s. “If they can’t identify the
accordion player on The Lawrence Welk Show, we become very suspicious about their age.” an official said. Canadian citizens have complained that the illegal immigrants are creating an organic-broccoli shortage and are renting all the Michael Moore movies. “I really feel sorry for American liberals, but the Canadian economy just can’t support them.” an Ottawa resident
said. “How many art-history majors does one country need?”

In an effort to ease tensions between the United States and Canada , Vice President Biden met with the Canadian ambassador and pledged that the administration would take steps to reassure liberals. A source close to President Obama said, “We’re going to have some Paul McCartney and Peter, Paul & Mary concerts. And we might even put some endangered species on postage stamps. The President is determined to reach out.” he said. The Herald will be
interested to see if Obama can actually raise Mary from the dead in time for the concert.

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  • MERLE SMITH

    I THOUGHT THIS WAS ONE OF THE FUNNIEST ARTICLES I HAVE
    READ IN YEARS. I WOULD LIKE TO BE ABLE TO READ MORE OF THESE. ANY HELP WILL BE APPRECIATED.

    SINCERELY,

    MERLE M SMITH

  • Arthur E. Wagoner

    As a U. S. citizen, bitterly clinging to my God, guns, and what little freedom I have left. I can only say Good Luck, you will need all of it you can get.

    I am now working to pass a law making it illegal to send them back to the U. S.

    Arthur E. Wagoner

  • http://www.2020blogger.com Russ Hallberg Jr

    Canada is experiencing job growth, with present unemployment about 7%. It is also considered one of the best countries to live in. Canada is picky about immigration. You need youth, education and/or money to get in. Universal healthcare means not losing your house because of surgery.

    If any intelligent young people read this, get to Canada! New Zealand is another good choice. The USA spends as much as the rest of the world combined on it’s military, when “black budgets” are figured in. The Taliban cannot fight without support and there is no more USSR. Just another no win war for the Rothschild bank.

    Only the old, poor and super rich will be left here in the USA.